God is a Republican

1 03 2009

godToday is probably the most important blog that I have ever written, because I have some huge news. God is a Republican. He loves all Republicans, and he is ashamed of his children that choose to be Democrats. One day, God wants everyone to be Republicans. Not just, Americans, but one day, the entire world will be Republican. That’s God’s plan, and you can read it in the Bible. Liberals will say that is just my interpretation of the Bible, and others can choose to interpret the Bible in other ways.

That is the entire flaw with liberals and the rest of the world, they want to choose. God does not want people to choose, He wants everyone to be Republican. Liberals say that God gives us free will, but that is only true to a point. Free will is only valid in God’s eyes if one chooses to be Republican.

Now here is the big news. There is only one way to get to heaven, and that is to vote Republican. Straight ticket. You don’t need to vote every year. I propose that they create a ballot called Republican for Life. Once the special ballot is signed, your vote will automatically be registered to whoever the candidate is for God’s Republican Party. This is the free will that God wants for us.

Liberals are going to disagree. They will claim that the only way to heaven is to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. That was once true, but not any more. Liberals can be so old fashioned and against progress. The new way to heaven is to vote Republican. Like I said, I read it in the Bible.

We already know that there are not any Buddhists, Taoists, Muslims, and any other non Christian religion in heaven. The residents of heaven are 100% Christian. So is it so far a stretch to believe that Christian Democrats will spend eternity burning in hell with the Buddhists and Muslims? God is rather particular with whom He plans to spend eternity. Look it up in the Bible yourself.

What’s more important, our short time on earth, or eternity? The answer is eternity. So if you don’t want to spend eternity burning with gnashing teeth, people need to wise up and vote Republican. Then and only then, will God let you into his kingdom.

The problem with liberals is that they think too much. They also talk too much but that is another subject. People need to stop thinking and start believing. Faith is the most powerful force in the world, and it is the only hope to combat all the liberal logic. We need to believe in God and his chosen party. I am now one of the Republican faithful that will change the world for eternity. Then and only then, will God allow us to have heaven on earth. Like I said, I read it in the Bible. Redneck Republican is now a Republican for Life. See you in heaven my fellow Republicans.


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11 responses

1 03 2009
Ian Smith

Hello –

I am thoroughly Republican. I will always be Republican. I am in strong disagreement with the Liberal agenda. I am a Christian. But I’m not sure it’s fair, right or even remotely Biblical to claim that Republicans alone inherit salvation. God is concerned with political orientation, to be sure. But is the gift of His grace open only to those who vote Republican? I think not.

God is not on the side of Republicans or Democrats. He is on the side of the individual to whom He has written: “We know that all things work together for good to those who love God and to those who are called according to His purposes.”

I also should respectfully disagree with your comment, “They will claim that the only way to heaven is to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. That was once true, but not any more.” Why would this be? God is unchanging. God is incapable of change. I read that in the Bible.

Jesus Christ is, always has been, and always will be the only way to Heaven. He said it Himself. If God was going to ditch Jesus and make a certain political party the way to Heaven, would it not have been supremely evil of him not to reveal His new plans for redemption to humanity?

Will our vote atone for our sins? Is the righteousness of a vote imputed to us? Does our vote make intercession for us before the throne of God? I think not.

You admit that only Republican Christians will go to Heaven. In that statement you are necessarily including belief in Jesus Christ as an element of salvation. But what role does He play in God’s sadistic little game? And why does this role not apply also to those who choose to vote otherwise? Are Christians who choose to vote Liberal inexplicably excluded from their promised inheritance? Is voting Liberal a nonatonable sin?

Where did you read this in the Bible? I’ve never seen it. I know no-one who has. What I see here is Scrpiture twisted to fit an agenda. And that, my friend, is a thoroughly Liberal action.

2 03 2009
xscorpionx

Yes, I see now. Thank you redneck! The simple fact that God is a narrow minded, bigoted, selfish, pompous ass Republican means it’s OK for me to be one too!!! I love it!!! TAKE THAT LIBERAL SCUM! God is a Republican! That means it’s open season on Democrats. I can put up my Ted Kennedy picture and throw darts at it again without guilt!!! I can think all those nasty, bigoted thoughts about Obama again, and not worry about sinning!!!! I can call Hillary a dyke without worry!!!! I can laugh at all the lazy, helpless, good for nothing homeless people without fear!!!!! I can watch Sean Hannity, and indulge in all of the unsaid, between the lines, slanderous propaganda that he REALLY means!!!! Oh joy!!!

2 03 2009
Leon

Hahaha yes. truly there is nothing more christian than screwing over the poor.

8 06 2009
peter gerry

What a complete facist you are, i am so glad i live in England where we have universal healthcare for everyone, rich or poor, social security for everyone if they need it, women have the right to abortion every where in the UK and those that earn over £40,000 ($80,000) pay 50 percent tax on thier wages.
What a fabulous socialist place the UK is.
“flying high right to the sky, we’ll keep the red flying high”
shove that up your facist right wing arse instead of your fathers cock for once!!!

Jesus once said “IT IS EASIER FOR A CAMEL TO WALK THROUGH THE EYE OF A NEEDLE, THAN A RICH MAN TO ENTER HEAVAN”

What do you think about that you goose stepping brown shirt, sieg heil and drop dead all republicans, ARGHHHHHHH you make me so mad!!!!!!!!!

23 07 2009
Harley

You are a freakin moron and it is no wonder this country is in such sad shape given your delusional misinformed thoughts. If there is a God he stands for everything opposite of what you and your dumbass Pubs hold so dear.

13 08 2009
Greg

Ok, I think God has better things to do then go to the ballot and vote for Ron Paul

11 10 2009
Mark

It’s true – God told me when praying that he is a Republican. I now have a REALLY big problem – I live in Australia and we don’t have the true faith Republican party here. I think this means I have no hope of ever reaching heaven. Oh how I wish I was lucky enough to live in the USA.

I might as well just give up now, there is no hope to be saved like you lucky ones in America.

2 01 2010
Dude

AAAAAAAAAAAAhhahahahahhaa!!! It took me a moment to figure out this was satire. Excellent!

27 06 2010
Bill Levinson

Liberals are going to disagree. They will claim that the only way to heaven is to accept Jesus Christ Franklin Delano Roosevelt (the Father), Barack Obama (the Son), and Lyndon B. Johnson (the Holy Ghost) as your Lord and Savior.

There, I fixed it! 🙂

28 08 2010
Zetheu

Fantastic website that helped me a lot to find the best baby teeth order product

4 10 2013
PJV

Don’t mix my God with your politics.

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