Torture is Good and American

Obama is slowing undoing all the incredible good and religious work of the greatest president of all time, George W Bush. Unbelievable as it sounds, he is undoing Guantanomo Bay, probably one of the greatest landmarks outside of the statue of liberty. When I hear the words Guantanomo Bay, it gets me all bubbly inside. It makes me feel so patriotic to think of all the Muslims we got locked up in our secret hide away. Now, Obama, a closet Muslim himself, is undoing it.

This is so wrong and unAmerican, that it’s almost grounds for impeachment. Guantanomo Bay is symbol of all things good and decent about our country. Just as American as hot dogs, baseball and apple pie. Just like all things good and important, it was not easy to setup the Guantanomo shrine of freedom. Bush had vehement opposition from the liberal media and the liberal democrats. Even more cumbersome, were all the liberal lawyers fighting Gitmo with the Constitution. Worse yet, the liberal international community were all up in arms spouting junk about the Geneva Convention, and the suspension of Habeus Corpus. Despite all of that, Bush got it done. Only a true conservative like Bush would persevere to setup the 9th greatest wonder of the world.

The liberal arguments against Gitmo are just stubborn idealism. They say that violating the Geneva Convention puts American soldiers at greater risk. They say that tortured confessions are quite often meaningless. Lastly, the liberal blow holes say that the torture itself disqualifies us from bringing the perpetrators to justice in a court of law. It makes me laugh to hear their weak arguments.

There is one over powering argument that shuts up their liberal pie holes. There has not been another 9/11 since 9/11. The reason is simple – torture. Since we began torturing people, the world is a brighter and safer place. The more we torture, the safer we are. This is the problem with Obama, he cannot understand the basic relationship between our safety and torture. We should not be closing Guantanomo, we should be opening up more. If we ratchet up the torture, not only can we keep Americans safe, but we can keep the whole world safe.

But there’s more. Because of all the liberal crap, we have been restricted on our torture to basic things like waterboarding. We are capable of much more complex methods of torture, and we should do all of them. Let’s open up the flood gates. We should be cutting people’s fingers and genitals. How about some bamboo under your fingernail, Sayid? Remember the stretch machine from medieval times? Let’s bring it back with a modern twist. Everything is fair game, in my view, to keep the world safe.

So we are keeping the world safe, but there is another argument for torture. All of these people are going to hell because they have not accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. So torture is going to be a picnic for them compared to eternity in hell. Once they get a taste of hell, they are going to be longing for a simple waterboard. Heheh. So if God is going to be torturing these towel heads, why can’t we get in on the fun?

There I said it. Yes, it is fun getting revenge on the camel jockeys, plus we are safer to boot. Americans, the choice is simple. If you love your way of life, then you support torture too. Torture is as American as apple pie.

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