Sex Republican Style

16 01 2010

America is a country based on solid Christian values that will endure forever. The problem is that Democratic politicians are hypocrites that do not live up to the ideals of our founding fathers, particularly in regards to sex. Let’s not forget that John Edwards cheated on his wife and Bill Clinton had sex with an intern in the White House. Liberals are unable to understand inherently the key values of sex that we Republicans understand. That’s why I am writing this – Sex Republican Style.

There is one underlying tenant of sex handed down from the Lord above. Sex is intended strictly for purposes of procreation in a committed relationship. This is written in the Constitution, the Bible and all over the internet. It is one of the fundamental truths of life and liberals are the hypocrites that never follow the basics of life. Once one accepts this basic fact, it makes lawmaking a lot easier. Let’s start sorting it out.

Gay marriage is wrong. Gay people are unable to reproduce, and therefore should not be allowed to marry. How hard is that to understand? God has spoken. If God had wanted gay people to be married, then they would be able to reproduce. QED.

Post menopause women should not be allowed to marry. Once a women reaches the point where she no longer can reproduce, then it is time to put her out to pasture. If she is already married, then the male should be free to enter another marriage with another woman that can reproduce. Again, God has spoken. Males can reproduce until death, but females no. Don’t shoot the messenger here. I’m not making the rules, just interpreting from the Holy Bible itself.

Vasectomies and hysterectomies should be illegal. The only point behinds these horrible procedures to have sex WITHOUT procreating. In the Republican world, the doctors performing these procedures are worse than the abortion doctors. Think about how many lives we can save if we outlaw these horrible procedures.

Liberals are not going to like this, but tough. Female orgasms are meaningless since they play no role in the reproductive process. God has spoken. Male orgasms and female eggs are all that matter. We, Republicans, are OK with female orgasms, but let’s be clear. It is not the point of sex, it is at best a by product. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, liberals.

Wrapping up on the obvious. Teen age sex, extra marital sex, and pornography are all illegal. None of these have anything do to with procreation. The worse of course is pornography since people are having sex to make money rather than have babies. Pornography could only be considered legal if the event produced a child.

To be honest, Republicans are sick of the liberal, old fashioned and archaic interpretation of sex. It is time we updated our collective thinking to the progressive Republican agenda. Happy procreating!

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14 responses

17 01 2010
SUE

Funny how you remark about the female orgasm not being apart of reproduction… a conservative baptist preacher once preached that God created women to take longer to orgasm, so the man would spend more time in “intimacy” with his wife until they both climax….wow, I don’t know what Bible you read from, but God hates divorce…even in post menopause age…you sound like you are from Juniper Creek the HBO series about a Mormon cult with multiple wives….about gay sex, ask all people from different worldviews, would they rather their son or daughter be gay or straight? I bet even the most staunch liberals would say straight, and that is God’s best plan for man and women….

19 01 2010
Bwana Redneck

As my preacher said just this Sunday, “Sex is dirty. Save it for someone you love.”

Right on, RR.

23 03 2010
derek fortuna

I’m calling out for like-minded people to start assassinating rednecks, republicans and dumb-ass conservatives. This country should rid itself of this vermin. I think of you as less than human, as do many others. Prepare to die motherfuckers!!! We’re head hunting you, you dogs.

13 12 2011
stratus99

Derek Fortuna, S’il vous plaît, faites nous une faveur énorme et vous tirer une balle dans la tête au lieu de tirer hors de votre bouche.

21 07 2010
George

“America is a country based on solid Christian values that will endure forever. The problem is that Democratic politicians are hypocrites that do not live up to the ideals of our founding fathers, particularly in regards to sex. ”

I thought a very fundamental Christian value was to not cast the first stone….Teach/blog in love, not in anger – you will go alot further and more people will take you seriously.

Jesus never made a point by insulting someone.

24 06 2014
Rosealee Tyler

The guy who writes this blog has to be a joke. What nerve to say that women are so third rate as to be left behind if they cannot procreate or that a woman eed not have an orgasm , etc. . What a screwball!

30 10 2010
Mtron

… I don’t think we should kill anybody. This stuff is hillarious!

7 12 2010
colton

ALL THAT RIDDEN IS A BUNCH OF BULL, IF PEOPLE DONT WANT CHILDREN ITS OK, ALL THAT RIDDEN IS JUST A BUNCH OF SEXIST , OH ITS OK FOR A MAN TO GO MARRY BUT A WOMEN THAT WENT THOUGH HER MENO INST? THAT IS SEXIST, WHO EVER WROTE THIS MUST BE A DUMB HICK, DUMB SEXIST HICK!!!!!!! AND DEREK YOUR RIGHT SHOOT THEM, ID BE LIKE HITLER TO HICKS!

6 03 2011
William

This whole site is a frigging joke right? I know there inbred sheltered idiots out there who actually believe in this type backwoods archaic rhetoric – but this blog seems so over the top absurd in it’s stereotypical redneckness that it almost seems that some crazed liberal made this blog in order to be able to point to it and mock it …

20 04 2012
Big Country

You are beyond stupid…… missing several chromosomes.

10 07 2012
Libby Taylor

Hmmm, I always thought that women can have sex until they die and men need an erection to perform. BTW, not true old men still have live swimmers dude….;o) suggestion…slowly back away from your keyboard and seek help.

11 10 2012
matthew

“This is written in the Constitution, the Bible and all over the internet.
It is one of the fundamental truths of life and liberals are the hypocrites that never
follow the basics of life. Once one accepts this basic fact,
it makes lawmaking a lot easier. Let’s start sorting it out.”

First it is not in the Constitution you right wing redneck moron.
2, when did the internet become a legal athority on ANYTHING? You can also, find the best way to screw a sheep on there internet dumbass.
3) I can’t think of anyone I know religious or not, conservative or liberal, that has only had sex for the purposes of procreation.
4) Please please please don’t ever procreate. You are a blight on humanity.

16 04 2013
Lily

.Not all people leaning right think that way! I’m pretty traditional…but sure I would like to enjoy sex with my husband for fun too not just procreation… Wow I don’t think a woman is solely a hole to make kids and then to be discarded when in menopause! Good grace… What ever happened to “til death do us part”… She’s not dead you know! What about LOVE…Do you suddenly stop loving your wife because she has menopause? Anyhow, this has to be a joke :S

11 02 2015
Robert S Moulds

You have proven the wisdom of Ian Smith who was the president of Rhodesia unfairly accused of racism. Under his rule only illiterate people could vote. Which makes sense after all who wants high school drop outs, drunkards, addicts, draft dodgers and criminals to vote. Meaning Barack Obama (who is from Kenya and there fore shouldn’t be president anyway should be able to vote but not pants soiling draft dodging drug addled high school drop out Ted Nudget. Voting is a privilege for wise not a right for common idiots like Ted Nudget.

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